Being Single and Bitter

Every year, as Valentine’s Day nears, you start to see an inflow of articles about love. Among these are the most dreaded articles of all: lists of why being single is great.


They tend to go something like this:

“When I was in my first year of college, I met the love of my life: Dustin. He was great and it was the happiest time of my life. We’ve now been broken up for 2 hours, but here’s why I love being single! You get to: eat all the ice cream you want without judgement. You don’t have to shave. You can hook up anytime. You don’t have to look pretty. And most of all, I’m okay with being single because I’ve realized that this is time for me to really reinvent myself and to accomplish everything I want to accomplish. I don’t need a partner to be dependent on.”


And so on. But one thing these articles fail to mention is that they’re all lying to you. Let’s face it: being single sucks. Becky over here will probably cry for weeks over Dustin, but simply had a slight moment of euphoria after her Yoga class in which she chose to write this article. And sure, being single is great for that 2.5 seconds, if done right. But Becky has failed to acknowledge the other 86,397.5 seconds a day that are spent cold and bitter.


Now, I’m not here to say that everyone needs to have a significant other to be happy, because that’s not true either. What I’m saying is, those of us that are trying to glorify the single life, are really just trying too hard. I mean, if one more person tells me that “going out on the town is so much more satisfying with a friend than with a partner” I’m gonna throw a fit. You’re all lying to yourselves.There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. I love not having to shave my legs constantly, but that’s not the point. I’d gladly shave my legs 3 times a day if it meant a nice boy would smile at me and give me his jacket.


The point is, we’re single and bitter about being single, but we have to be okay with that. It’s not about coming to terms with being single. It’s about coming to terms with being bitter. We all know that you’re independent and more than capable of opening your own jars, there’s no more need to share that article on Facebook emphasizing those facts. But come on now, the fact that you need an article to justify your single life says it all: you hate being single and you’re lying to yourself about it.


Now some of us need those articles to come to terms with it, and that’s okay. Everyone needs a little support and validation. All I’m suggesting is an alternative. Bitterness and happiness can coexist quite well. All those things that make single life great still apply, but acknowledging your bitterness means that every once in awhile, you get to be sad/mad about it too. Because let’s be honest, no boy would ever be enough to actually make me shave my legs 3 times a day but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna be mad about it.


Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be miserable and most certainly shouldn’t be seen as, “Single Awareness Day.” Buy yourself a rose, eat some chocolate, be sad about how much chocolate you’ve just eaten,and then embrace it. Being bitter is the ultimate form of acceptance because it means that you understand that you won’t be alone forever, but that it’s still a little sad to be alone in the moment. It’s full acknowledgment that life will go on, and that the single life will certainly not defer you from your goals. The only difference is that you know you can get just as much done in a relationship, because yes, you are strong and independent, but it would be nice to have someone to hold hands with every once in awhile.


So the next time you see Becky hanging out with her 3rd boyfriend of the month, don’t bring up that article that you’ve got bookmarked in your phone, and pretend that you’re completely okay with the fact that you’ve been snuggling up to a pillow for the last year.



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