Introvert (n.) — a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and become preoccupied with their own thoughts.
One important thing to remember about defining the word “introvert” — it does not mean shy.
The term tends to have this stigma attached because of an introvert’s quiet and solitaire nature but in reality, it defines the person who “turns inward mentally” — preoccupied with their own thoughts and energized by spending time alone.
If you are reading this manual, you are most likely:
- An extrovert attempting to comprehend the introvert.
- An introvert yourself.
This manual first provides a detailed explanation of the introvert being, followed by a set of rules and guidelines.
Article 1: Contents of an Introvert
Inside the introvert package, you will find the following elements:
- 2-3 cups of tea (decaf coffee is also acceptable)
- 1 collection of good books
- 1 brain for silent thinking
- And a longing desire to be left alone
Time of assembly may vary from five years to twenty. Installation is complete when the introvert realizes his or her disdain for social contact.
Article 2: Precautions and Tips
The introvert was designed and constructed to spend most of their time alone. The following information is provided for safety reasons, for both the introvert and the extrovert.
Section A: For Introverts
Rule 1: The conversation limit of an introvert is a maximum of three people a day.
Exceeding the maximum could result in exhaustion, as well as annoyance. Additionally, how is it even possible to talk to more than three people a day?
Rule 2: Every 10 minutes of social contact requires one day of replenishment.
Extroverts are advised to choose their time with an introvert wisely. One night out can equate to a month of an introvert’s disappearance.
Rule 3: It is recommended for the introvert to stay indoors, preferably in the comfort of their home.
If seen in an outdoor public place for more than ten minutes, introverts risk the danger of uncomfortable social contact. However, if the introvert wishes to get fresh air, acceptable outdoor locations may include (but are not limited to) a secluded park, a wooded area, or a mountain in the Himalayas.
Section B: For Extroverts with Introvert encounters
Rule 1: No talking in the introvert’s sanctuary.
When spending time alone, the introvert builds an invisible sanctuary that allows for maximum thought. It is not difficult to tell when an introvert is in this sanctuary; they are in it all the time. But when an extrovert enters with conversation, it is often unexpected, breaks the sanctuary, and can have damaging effects on the introvert. These may include:
- Forgetting their train of thought
- A foul mood, followed by short and snappy responses when being talked to
- And exhaustion caused by social contact.
Rule 2: No small talk.
If the extrovert wishes to interact with the introvert, avoid the questions about their day and comments about the weather. The introvert does not carry the skills nor the patience to craft a response for this droll and meaningless conversation.
Introverts are invested in discussions that require more thoughtful responses than “I’m fine, thanks” or “Strange to see the sun in England.”
Rule 3: Just don’t talk.
On second thought, it’s probably safest for the extrovert to not talk at all.
Article 3: People and Public Places
Section A – Defense Tools
The three P’s — Public Places & People — are the introvert’s worst nightmare, but are unavoidable. The introvert is not known to purposefully be in a public place for a long period of time. However, if the introvert has absolutely no option to avoid a public place with…people…there are defense tools the introvert can use to fend off social contact:
1) A pair of headphones — the most effective. Extroverts with manners and common decency usually will not disturb the introvert, immersed in the music and lost in their own world.
2) A good book to read — entertaining and powerful when combined with tool 1. This is effective when the introvert has to sit in public places for a long period of time, such as waiting rooms and public transportation. However, it is not recommended for walking. The book will create the illusion of being busy and simultaneously entertain the introvert, so he or she will not be disturbed.
3) An introvert associate — preferably one who is close in friendship. The thought of including people to avoid people may seem paradoxical, but the fellow introvert understands an appreciation of silence. They can also provide a sense of security and safety from extroverts.
However, it is dreadfully possible for an extrovert to intercept the tools of defense with its most powerful weapon: small talk.
If the situation arises, it is recommended for the introvert to politely excuse themselves from conversation and find shelter as soon as possible, preferably in a quaint bookstore or a quiet cafe.
Section B – Scenes to Avoid
The introvert is also advised to stay away from extrovert hotspots for maximum solitude. These hotspots may include tourist attractions, bars and nightclubs, public events, outside, or just literally anywhere with people.
Article 5: Conclusion
Finally, the most important thing to remember about an introvert is that we don’t hate people; we hate the idea of being around people. Introverts won’t bite at a little social contact (well…most of us anyway); just be considerate.
Congratulations to the reader of this manual; you now acquire an understanding of the introvert being.
Introverts, take pride in your solitude and unite! (Then quickly disperse to your sanctuaries shortly after.)