Richmond Hill Experiences the End of Days

Around 11:43am on Tuesday at the Richmond Hill campus all internet connection went dead. Students and teachers started having difficulties connecting to the Internet, but after realising that they had no hope, chaos ensued. Teachers were able to escape the terror, going back to their cozy homes and wifi connections. Unfortunately, students were caught in the deadzone.

People stared at blank screens for hours before the disturbing truth settled in, they were trapped. Researching for papers and presentations became impossible, Netflix and chill dates became awkward people hanging out in dorm rooms, and people had to revert back to Stone Age era techniques for entertainment and read books. Groups were huddled in hallways performing strange rituals involving card-like papers with symbols printed on them. The campus was in complete mayhem and all structure was lost, but what happened next was something that even Marx couldn’t predict.

Society had shifted. The bourgeoisie were not the ones who had all the money, they were the ones with hotspots, and the proletariats were at their mercy if they wanted to survive. The people who had hotspots, also known as the Gods Over Normal Oppressed Richmond Residents Hoping for Open Ethernet Access (G.O.N.O.R.R.H.O.E.A), accepted offerings in exchange for a small amount of time with their wifi. Priceless items imported from far off lands were given, secrets about rival GONORRHOEA holders were shared, and tasty morsels were presented for the bourgeoisie to feast upon. GONORRHOEA ruled the school, and there seemed to be no hope.

Then, as the sun rose over the western horizon, student’s electronic devices across campus vibrated, beeped, dinged, and donged in perfect harmony. An e-mail was received, it began: “Dear All, Internet access has now been restored.” And in one fell swoop the darks days of GONORRHOEA at Richmond were over. Life could go back to normal. Students could now resume Netflix and chill dates, beg for likes on Facebook and Instagram, swipe left or right on Tinder, and spend hours mindlessly watching YouTube videos. Order was returned.

Meanwhile, the students on the island known as Montford didn’t know the Internet was down and just thought that their friends didn’t want to talk to them.

One thought on “Richmond Hill Experiences the End of Days

  1. This is hilarious, yet extremely accurate! I’m sad to say that I was one of the many people left to do nothing but play cards… And even though there was still homework I could’ve done, not even the lack of internet stopped me from my procrastination. I think that says something, either about me, or to the older generation that thinks the internet has ruined our work ethic. Anyways, I think it’s safe to say we’ll all be praying to never have to experience such dark days again. Also, love the random Marx reference and your acronym.

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